Monday, 11 April 2016

Monday update for CBT Week 1

So, Monday goals.

I collected the mail as planned (go me!) I had one letter and my husband has two, which I have left on his desk. My letter looked terrifying. #1 win.

I made some coffee, but I didn't like the idea of not multitasking, so I decided to not not multitask. Which is a crap way of saying that I took the coffee to my computer desk and drank it there and didn't make any food because I didn't want to eat it alone and bored at the table or browse the internet on a tiny phone screen two feet from my desk. However, I did notice that there were several plates and cups around, so I took them to the kitchen. I did not refill the dishwasher, because the kitchen is a mess and I hadn't even drunk my coffee. The kitchen is still a bomb site (2pm). #2 fail.

Also, while drinking my coffee, I did go through my emails and open the letter while I was drinking rather than going onto other tabs. Mostly. I actually did stay pretty focused during this, this time. I didn't have any new email which required action but I looked at some cute baby pictures my friend sent me and thought about calling her but it was too early in the UK to do that.

I looked through some older emails which had required action and had bitten me in the butt, some summer childcare for my son which had cancelled, and decided that I don't need that one anyway. I wondered about sorting out some alternative childcare, which I'm just realising now probably should have made itself onto the "action" list but which didn't. (Here's my plan: When this is typed up, I'll check the time and if it's not too late, then I'll do it.) Then I sent an email to work to clarify something, and ordered a product part that I needed. Finally I opened the scary letter. It's from a debt collector in England who wants me to pay back my overdraft on my old bank account. Actually, my husband told me how to deal with this months ago (write to the bank directly). So I opened up a word document, which is still sitting there. Mostly because I can't remember what he said to write. Also because it's scary and I don't want to.

Oh. I also needed to send one more email which was to my psychiatrist to arrange an EEG scan. (Needed if I am to start medication.) I opened up the compose window and wrote "Good morning," but found this so anxiety provoking that I immediately had to browse several other tabs. Also, I needed to pee by this point, so I went to the toilet and then I walked back past the kitchen so I got myself a snack and some tea. I did finish and send the email to my psych but I had to change "Good morning" to "Good afternoon" by the time I did.

I'm giving myself half a win for point #3. I didn't focus on it completely until the end, and I overlooked a couple of needed actions, but I still did several things which were in need of getting done. I also like the fact that I can happily ignore all of my emails guilt-free now until tomorrow morning because I know that I will get to them.

I haven't started the laundry investigation yet or read any of the book. In fact my son asked me if I would wash his clothes today and I said yes but I haven't done it yet.

So I have 1.5/3 for the daily tasks and 0/2 so far for the weekly ones. To be fair, that 1.5 is an actual improvement over my usual Monday morning behaviour, even if it is still shitty. I'll take that slight improvement as a win.

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